Sunday, August 16, 2009
Semester Break 16-8-09 till 31/8/09
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Interested in all these songs?
Dancing queen
Mamma Mia
Money,Money
S.O.S
Living Next Door to Alice
Titanic
You Are Beautiful
Tie a Yellow Ribbon round the Rolled oak Tree
Sometimes When we touch
Top of the World
...
...
Monday, July 20, 2009
Window 7
Saturday, July 4, 2009
JCI YOUTH INTI INTERNATIONAL COLLEGE PENANG
Saturday, June 27, 2009
YEAR 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Comparison between INTI COLLEGE PENANG AND INTI COLLEGE SUBANG JAYA
INTI INTERNATIONAL COLLEGE SUBANG JAYA:u can view this website to compare with
httP://www.intisj.edu.my
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Fathers' Day 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
INTERVIEW TIPS
2. Act spontaneous, but be well prepared. Be your authentic self, professional yet real. Engage in true conversation with your interviewer, resting on the preparation you did prior to coming to the meeting. Conduct several trial runs with another person simulating the interview before it actually occurs. It's the same as anticipating the questions you'll be asked on a final exam.
3. Set goals for the interview. It is your job to leave the meeting feeling secure that the interviewer knows as much as he or she possibly can about your skills, abilities, experience and achievements. If you sense there are misconceptions, clear them up before leaving. If the interviewer doesn't get around to asking you important questions, pose them yourself (diplomatically) and answer them. Don't leave the meeting without getting your own questions answered so that you have a clear idea of what you would be getting yourself into. If possible, try to get further interviews, especially with other key players.
4. Know the question behind the question. Ultimately, every question boils down to, "Why should we hire you?" Be sure you answer that completely. If there is a question about your meeting deadlines, consider whether the interviewer is probing delicately about your personal life, careful not to ask you whether your family responsibilities will interfere with your work. Find away to address fears if you sense they are present.
5. Follow up with an effective "thank you" letter. Don't write this letter lightly. It is another opportunity to market yourself. Find some areas discussed in the meeting and expand upon them in your letter. Writing a letter after a meeting is a very minimum. Standing out among the other candidates will occur if you thoughtfully consider this follow up letter as an additional interview in which you get to do all the talking. Propose useful ideas that demonstrate your added value to the team.
6. Consider the interviewer's agenda. Much is on the shoulders of the interviewer. He or she has the responsibility of hiring the right candidate. Your ability to do the job will need to be justified. "Are there additional pluses here?" "Will this person fit the culture of this organization?" These as well as other questions will be heavily on the interviewer's mind. Find ways to demonstrate your qualities above and beyond just doing the job.
7. Expect to answer the question, "Tell me about yourself." This is a pet question of prepared and even unprepared interviewers. Everything you include should answer the question, "Why should we hire you?" Carefully prepare your answer to include examples of achievements from your work life that closely match the elements of the job before you. Obviously, you'll want to know as much about the job description as you can before you respond to the question.
8. Watch those nonverbal clues. Experts estimate that words express only 30% to 35% of what people actually communicate; facial expressions and body movements and actions convey the rest. Make and keep eye contact. Walk and sit with a confident air. Lean toward an interviewer to show interest and enthusiasm. Speak with a well-modulated voice that supports appropriate excitement for the opportunity before you.
9. Be smart about money questions. Don't fall into the trap of telling the interviewer your financial expectations. You may be asking for too little or too much money and in each case ruin your chances of being offered the job. Instead, ask what salary range the job falls in. Attempt to postpone a money discussion until you have a better understanding of the scope of responsibilities of the job.
10. Don't hang out your dirty laundry. Be careful not to bare your soul and tell tales that are inappropriate or beyond the scope of the interview. State your previous experience in the most positive terms. Even if you disagreed with a former employer, express your enthusiasm for earlier situations as much as you can. Whenever you speak negatively about another person or situation in which you were directly involved, you run the risk (early in the relationship) of appearing like a troubled person who may have difficulty working with others.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
A GUIDELINE TO MT KINABALU
ABOUT THIS PAMPHLET
This pamphlet was produced in response to a demand for more information about the climb to the summit of Mt. Kinabalu. We have tried to illustrate the plants and animals you are most likely to see, as well as others of special interest.
Many species do not have familiar common names, and in these cases, we have coined a name that is, we hope, descriptive or at least, obvious. Universally-used scientific names have also been included.
lNTRODUCTlON
The Kinabalu Park is famous the world over for the highest mountain in South-East Asia - Mt. Kinabalu, a Vast jagged granite massif rising to 4,101m. (13,455ft.). The mountain is the focal point of the whole Park which covers an area of 754 sq km (291 sq miles), and includes vegetation types ranging from the rich lowland dipterocarp zone through the montane oak. rhododendron, and conifer forests to the alpine meadow plants and stunted bushes of the summit zone an area that probably has one of the richest flora in the world.
The Headquarters is situated on the southern boundary, at an elevation of 1,524m (5,000 ft). Visitor accommodation, restaurants and an exhibit centre are found here as well as the Park offices. It is only a 2 hour drive from Sabah's capital of Kota Kinabalu on a good sealed road and the Park is an ideal spot for day visitors who simply want to get away from it all and enjoy the cool air, as well as those who wish to stay for a few days and climb the mountain or explore the forest trails.
If you are a first-time visitor it is well worth your while to go to some of the free visitor programmes organised by the Park. Regular evening slide/film shows and guided trail walks in the mornings are given by the Park Naturalists at the Park Headquarters.
Nepenthes Villa(Chalets)
Many people who visit the Park come to climb the mountain, a tough Walk that takes a minimum of two days. But why not take your time over it! The climb can be made far more rewarding and enjoyable if you use three days, with two nights at a mountain hut. This way you can take the time to look at what you pass - the birds, the animals, the rocks and the soil, the views and the almost incredibly rich diversity of plant life belonging to one of the most ancient vegetations in the world.
Timpohon Gate - Start of Summit Trail
THE SUMMlT TRAIL
To reach the start of the Summit Trail climbers must drive or walk the 4kms (2 1/2 miles) of the Kamborongoh Road that leads from Mt. Kinabalu Park Headquarters to the PublicWorks Department's Power Station at 1,829m (6,000ft).
The forest on the steep ridge opposite the Power Station is still the montane oak-forest that surrounds the Park Headquarters. Kinabalu has some of the richest oak forests in the world with over 40 different oak species recorded. Here the Summit Trail itself starts, marked at intervals of 5 chains (50 chains = 1 km.; 80 chains = 1 mile), leading past the Power Station and following the crest of a narrow ridge that dips down onto the main slopes of Kinabalu itself. A little further on, there is a waterfall where waterbottles can be filled. This is known as Carson's Falls, named after the first Warden of this Park. Liverworts and mosses grow luxuriantly in the fine spray of water. A Common moss is Dawsonia, one of the largest in the world, that can reach 3ft (1 m) in height. though it is usually much less. Nearby the KINABALU BALSAM (Impatiensplatyphylla) can usually be found, a delicate little herb growing in between rocks at the edge of the path. Rhododendrons are now more common - the SLENDER- LEAVED RHODODENDRON (Rhododendron stenophyllum) is a lovely sight in bloom.
The SMALL MOUNTAlN PlTCHERPLANT (Nepenthes tentaculata) can also be seen by the Sharp-eyed observer grows along the edges of paths, from the Headquarters to as high as 2,439m (8,000ft).
NEW ZEALAND
Language in
The three official languages of
The Maori language has been part of
Maori and English are used throughout the country in various television and radio programs. As with other regions in the world where two cultures have been mixed, English has influenced Maori and Maori has influenced English. A number of words in each language have crossed in to the vocabulary of the other. English has introduced motuka (car) and Maori has replied with taboo (tapu).
Many places in
Kiwi Society & Culture
There can be marked differences between Maori and NZ European (Pakeha) societies and culture. This is particularly apparent when moving in tribal (Iwi) circles. Due to colonisation and tribal differences, there can also be subtle but important variations in protocols. The following sections outline aspects most likely to occur when doing business with tribal groups but can also equally apply to any group that includes Maori.
Kiwi Demeanour
. New Zealanders are friendly, outgoing, somewhat reserved initially yet polite, and enjoy extending hospitality.
. They are quite easy to get to know as they say hello to strangers and will offer assistance without being asked.
. Because they do not stand on ceremony and are egalitarian, they move to a first name basis quickly and shun the use of titles.
. Kiwis dress casually, but neatly.
. Most restaurants do not have dress codes and except in business, dress is decidedly casual.
. Business dress is conservative, although jackets may be removed and shirtsleeves rolled up when working.
Maori demeanour
. Maori are generally friendly and reserved and place great value on hospitality.
. They will generally offer (often to the point of going without) assistance to their guests and will attempt to hide the inconvenience as much as possible.
. Maori will spontaneously launch into speech and song. Even though they may not have met each other, they will know many songs they can sing together and often use these to close or enhance speeches.
. They will often call for visitors to do the same and it would be wise to have 2-3 practised songs from your own country to reply with.
Environmentalism
. Kiwis are environmentally concerned and have a strong desire to preserve their country's beauty.
. One of the major local issues is the importing of predators.
. Border controls are very tight and there are huge fines for importing food or other natural products such as wood, cane etc.
. The local attitude towards the environment is largely influenced by the viewpoint of the indigenous population, the Maori.
. They believe that all things have a 'mauri' - a life force.
. Damage to this life force, or human attempts to dominate it, result in the mauri losing its energy and vitality, which affects the lives of people as well as the resilience of ecosystems.
. Maintaining the mauri of the environment and ecosystem resilience are equally important for sustainable development.
Egalitarianism
. The country has no formal class structure.
. Wealth and social status are not important to Kiwis.
. They take pride in individual achievements and believe that opportunities are available to all.
. As a 'welfare state' unemployment benefits, housing and access to health is all available free of charge to those who can't afford it.
. Maori have a hierarchy especially apparent in formal situations.
. For example, the elder (male or female) is seated in a specific area and will be asked to open or close a meeting. Mostly they are men but not always.
Etiquette and Customs
Meeting and Greeting
. Greetings are casual, often consisting simply of a handshake and a smile.
. Never underestimate the value of the smile as it indicates pleasure at meeting the other person.
. Although New Zealanders move to first names quickly, it is best to address them by their honorific title and surname until they suggest moving to a more familiar level or they call you by your first name.
Maori meeting and greeting
. Maori stand on ceremony and have distinct protocols regarding how visitors should be welcomed and seen off.
. If the business dealings are with a tribal group (Iwi) the welcoming protocols may be practiced through the process of Powhiri – a formal welcome that takes place on a Marae.
. A Powhiri can take between 30 minutes to 2-3 hours depending on the importance of the event.
. It begins by calling the visitors onto the area infront of the traditional meeting house. Visitors should walk as a group and in silence expect if they have a responding caller to reply to the home peoples’ caller (usually an older woman).
. A Powhiri dictates where people sit, in what position in their group, and who speaks.
. In most cases, but not all, you will notice the men are seated forward and only males speak. There is a tension between the men and women on this matter and in a few places this has been resolved and you will see both genders stand to speak. In the interests of not causing friction in your business dealings, always follow the lead of the home people.
. The welcoming speeches are given by the agreed speakers of the home people and always end with the most revered speaker or elder.
. Speeches are given in the Maori language and each one accompanied by traditional song. You may not understand what is being said but you can rest assured it is likely to be from the best orators in the group and often very complimentary.
. The visitors are expected to have at least one speaker reply on their behalf.
. If possible, the speaker should prepare a learned opening in Maori – it is critical that he/she focus on the pronunciation. Mispronounced words often result in whispers and sniggers and is considered disrespectful. It is better to have a very short opening said well, than a long one said badly.
. The speaker’s reply should never be about the detailed purpose of the visit nor should it be to self-promote as this would be considered arrogant.
. The speaker should use the opportunity to briefly show respect to the place that they stand (ie. the location), to the houses (the traditional carved meeting house and dining room are named after ancestors and so are greeted accordingly), to greet the home people, and to explain where his/her group have come from (place is important to Maori). This should be followed by a song from the visitors’ country that the visitors’ group should sing together.
. The Powhiri can be daunting to visitors and can be fraught with traps that may offend. This is why most visitors seek the assistance of a Maori person to ‘guide’ them.
. Once the last elder of the home people has spoken, they will gesture the visitors to come forward in a line to shake hands, kiss (once) on the cheek or hongi (touch noses) with the home people.
. Following this the kitchen is ready to call people in to eat.
. Following the food, the meeting proper can begin.
. While this seems to be a set routine, I have been to many a Powhiri where variations of this occur. It pays to be vigilant and to follow the lead of others, or to discreetly ask questions if unsure.
Gift Giving Etiquette
. If invited to a Kiwi's house, bring a small gift such as flowers, chocolates, or a book about your home country to the hosts.
. Gifts should not be lavish.
. Gifts are opened when received.
Dining Etiquette
. New Zealanders are casual as is reflected in their table manners.
. The more formal the occasion, the more strict the protocol.
. Wait to be told where to sit.
. Meals are often served family-style.
. Keep your elbows off the table and your hands above the table when eating.
. Table manners are Continental -- hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right while eating. They will not look askance, however, if you adopt American table manners.
. Indicate you have finished eating by laying your knife and fork parallel on your plate with the handles facing to the right.
Maori Dining Etiquette
. Following a Powhiri, the visitors will be asked to the dining room (a separate building to the carved meeting house) to sit to eat at long tressle tables.
. They should not eat until the food has been ‘blessed’ or an acknowledgement said by an elder of the home people even if the food is getting cold.
. Visitors should try to enable the home people to sit amongst them to chat and get to know them while eating.
. Often, younger people will be serving and older people will be working in the kitchen.
. It is important to realise that in most cases they are working voluntarily and it is appropriate to formally and publicly thank them near the close of the meal before leaving the dining room to begin the meeting. As a result of this, the visitors may be light-heartedly asked to sing.
. To sing a song from your home country would show respect and thanks.
Monday, June 8, 2009
KOREAN DRIVING TEST
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Rice is worse than sugar
* DON'T EAT TOO MUCH RICE*
The human body was never meant to consume rice! You see, our genes have
hardly changed in more than 30,000 years. However, our food choices and
lifestyle have changed dramatically. The caveman wou ld hardly recognize our
food or way of life.
Caveman food was never cooked as fire was not yet tamed. Thus, he ate only
those foods that you can eat without treatment with or by fire. He ate
fruits, vegetables, fish (sushi anyone?), eggs, nuts and meat. Yes, even
meat. You can even eat meat raw if you were starving in the forest. You have
the necessary enzymes to digest meat.
However, rice, like wheat and corn, cannot be eaten raw. It must be cooked.
Even if you were starving in the desert, you cannot eat rice in the raw
form. This is because we do not have the system of enzymes to break rice
down. *You were never meant to eat rice. To make matters worse, you not only
eat rice, but also make it the bulk of your food. *
In some parts of Asia, rice forms up to 85% of the plate. *Even if you take
rice, keep it to a minimum.* Remember, it is only for your tongue - not your
body. Actually, rice and other grains like wheat and corn are actually worse
than sugar. There are many reasons:
Rice becomes sugar - lots of it
This is a fact that no nutritionist can deny: rice is chemically no
different from sugar. *One bowl of cooked rice is the caloric equal of 10
teaspoons of sugar. This does not matter whether it is white, brown or
herbal rice.* Brown rice is richer in fibre, some B vitamins and minerals
but it is still the caloric equal of 10 teaspoons of sugar. To get the same
10 teaspoons of sugar, you need to consume lots of kangkong - 10 bowls of
it.
*Rice is digested to become sugar. *
*Rice cannot be digested before it is thoroughly cooked. However, when
thoroughly cooked, it becomes sugar and spikes circulating blood sugar
within half an hour - almost as quickly as it would if you took a sugar
candy. *Rice is very low in the "rainbow of anti-oxidants"
This complete anti-oxidant rainbow is necessary for the effective and safe
utilisation of sugar. Fruits come with a sugar called fructose. However,
they are not empty calories as the fruit is packed with a whole host of
other nutrients that help its proper assimilation and digestion.
*Rice has no fibre.** *The fibre of the kangkong fills you up long before
your
blood sugar spikes. This is because the fibre bulks and fills up your
stomach. Since white rice has no fibre, you end up eating lots of "calorie
dense" food before you get filled up. Brown rice has more fibre but still
the same amount of sugar.
*Rice is tasteless - *Sugar is sweet. There is only so much that you can
eat at one sitting. How many teaspoons of sugar can you eat before you feel
like throwing up? Could you ! imagine eating 10 teaspoons of sugar in one
seating?
Rice is always the main part of the meal - While sugar may fill your dessert
or sweeten your coffee, it will never be the main part of any meal. You
could eat maybe two to three teaspoons of sugar at one meal. However, you
could easily eat the equal value of two to three bowls (20 - 30 teaspoons)
of sugar in one meal. *I am always amused when I see someone eat sometimes
five bowls of rice (equals 50 teaspoons of sugar) and then asks for tea
tarik kurang manis! *
There! is no real "built in" mechanism for us to prevent overeating of rice
How much kangkong can you eat? How much fried chicken can you eat? How much
steamed fish can you eat? Think about that! In one seating, you cannot take
lots of chicken, fish or cucumber, but you can take lots of rice. Eating
rice causes you to eat more salt.
*As rice is tasteless, you tend to consume more salt - another villain when
it comes to high blood pressure. *You tend to take more curry that has salt
to help flavor rice. We also tend to consume more ketchup and soy sauce
which are also rich in salt.
Eating rice causes you to drink less water. The more rice you eat, the less
water you will drink as there is no mechanism to prevent the overeating of
rice. Rice, wheat and corn come hidden in our daily food. As rice is
tasteless, it tends to end up in other foods that substitute rice like rice
flour, noodles and bread. We tend to eat the hidden forms which still get
digested into sugar. Rice, even when cooked, is difficult to digest
Can't eat raw rice? Try eating rice half cooked. Contrary to popular belief,
rice is very difficult to digest. It is "heavy stuff". If you have problems
with digestion, try skipping rice for a few days. You will be amazed at how
the problem will just go away.
*Rice prevents the absorption of several vitamins and minerals. Rice when
taken in bulk will reduce the absorption of vit al nutrients like zinc, iron
and the B vitamins. *
Are you a rice addict? Going rice-less may not be easy but you can go
rice-less. Eating less rice could be lot easier than you think. Here are
some strategies that you can pursue in your quest to eat less rice:
*Eat less rice - Cut your rice by half.* Barry Sears, author of the Zone
Diet, advises "eating rice like spice".
Instead, *increase your fruits and vegetables.*
*Take more lean meats and fish.*
*You can even take more eggs and nuts. *
Have "riceless" meals. *Take no rice or wheat at say, breakfast. Go for eggs
instead. *
*Go on "riceless" days* - Go "western" once a week.
*Take no rice and breads for one day ! every week.* That can't be too
difficult. Appreciate the richness of your food. Go for taste, colors and
smells. Make eating a culinary delight. Enjoy your food in the original
flavors.
*Avoid the salt shaker or ketchup. You will automatically eat less rice. *
*Eat your fruit dessert before (Yes! No printing error) your meals.*
*The fibre rich fruits will "bulk up" in your stomach. Thus, you will eat
less rice and more fruits. *
*********************************************************************************
*Your Water after each meal*
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It says it is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal.
However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just
consumed.
It will slow down the digestion. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid,
it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid
food.
It will line the intestine.
!
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. *It is best to*
*drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.* :)-
Monday, May 18, 2009
Logarithm
For example, the logarithm of 1000 to the base 10 is 3, because 3 is how many 10s you must multiply to get 1000: thus 10 × 10 × 10 = 1000; the base 2 logarithm of 32 is 5 because 5 is how many 2s one must multiply to get 32: thus 2 × 2 × 2 × 2 × 2 = 32. In the language of exponents: 103 = 1000, so log101000 = 3, and 25 = 32, so log232 = 5.
The logarithm of x to the base b is written logb(x) or, if the base is implicit, as log(x). So, for a number x, a base b and an exponent y,
An important feature of logarithms is that they reduce multiplication to addition, by the formula:
That is, the logarithm of the product of two numbers is the sum of the logarithms of those numbers. The use of logarithms to facilitate complicated calculations was a significant motivation in their original development.
Algebra
Algebra is a branch of mathematics concerning the study of structure, relation, and quantity. Together with geometry, analysis, combinatorics, and number theory, algebra is one of the main branches of mathematics. Elementary algebra is often part of the curriculum in secondary education and provides an introduction to the basic ideas of algebra, including effects of adding and multiplying numbers, the concept of variables, definition of polynomials, along with factorization and determining their roots.
Algebra is much broader than elementary algebra and can be generalized. In addition to working directly with numbers, algebra covers working with symbols, variables, and set elements. Addition and multiplication are viewed as general operations, and their precise definitions lead to structures such as groups, rings and fields.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
computer jokes
Is Windows a Virus
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.So Windows is not a virus.It's a bug.
Lawyer jokes
Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute."Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again."or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
XMAS JOKES
Copyright 1995 by Michael T. Martin
One day, when Freddy the firefly looked up from his meadow, he saw a long dark tornado coming out of a cloud right at him. Freddy tried to fly away but strong winds in the tornado spun Freddy high up into the dark cloud.
Freddy could not tell where he was going for a long time until suddenly the winds blew downward and Freddy found himself falling out of the bottom of the cloud into a foggy patch of pine trees next to a large fancy house. For miles around the house and trees, all he could see, was a giant field of snow.
Freddy the firefly had been so scared that he had not blinked his light at all during his long ride through the cloud. Now, fluttering through the fog toward the small patch of evergreens, he started slowly blinking his light. He usually blinked faster when he was excited, but it was so cold he could hardly blink at all.
Freddy had not been this cold before. Now as he landed on a cold frosty branch in a cold white land with frost on the needles of pine trees, Freddy worried that he would soon freeze solid as a rock.
"Oh, no." thought Freddy. "How am I going to get home from this strange place." Looking around, Freddy noticed a large deer in the middle of the patch of pine trees, and outside the patch, pawing in the snow, were many even bigger deer.
Freddy blinked his light without even thinking about it. It was just something fireflies do. But the deer in the middle of the evergreen patch seemed surprised and walked over to Freddy to put its eye right up to him. Freddy was a little scared because just the eye of the deer, only inches from his face, was a lot bigger than Freddy.
"Who are you?" he heard the deer whisper.
"I'm Freddy," he replied.
"What are you?" asked the deer bringing up its snout to sniff at Freddy. Freddy was startled by the long snout pointing right at him and blinked a little faster.
"I'm a firefly," said Freddy. "and I don't know where I am." Freddy felt better each time the deer breathed on him because the warm breath seemed just like the soft breezes of home.
"You have a light on your tail!" exclaimed the deer.
"That is why they call us fireflies," said Freddy as he kept his light on for a long time. "Do you mind if I sit on your nose?" Freddy asked. "Your nose is warm and I'm quite cold."
"You won't burn my nose will you?" answered the deer with amazed eyes.
"No! My light is very cool." answered Freddy, "You won't even feel it." The deer put his nose right up to Freddy, so he hopped on. "You and your friends are a lot bigger than the deer where I come from." said Freddy looking into two crossed eyes trying to watch him.
"We are reindeer," said the deer, "but the others are not my friends. They won't play with me. They say I'm too little."
"But you are big!" shouted Freddy. "You are almost as big as the others and lots bigger than all the deer I know."
"The other reindeer always call me names and make fun of me." said the deer.
Freddy stayed on the very tip of the reindeer's nose where the warm breath blew little clouds of white mist about him.
Freddy looked at the large house nearby, but he could just barely see the dim outline of glowing windows in the fog. "Ho ho ho," came a cry from the house as a large man all dressed in red stepped outside. Freddy could barely make out the dark red shape in the doorway. Then the man cried out: "Oh no! No, no!"
Another shape came quickly to the doorway, and a woman's voice exclaimed: "What is it Santa?" Several tiny shapes gathered around them, chattering in high pitched voices.
The man's voice boomed out again. "It's a terrible fog!" he exclaimed. "I can't drive a sleigh of toys in a fog like this. I have to be able to see that the reindeer all pull in the same direction. If they can't pull together we'll never get off the ground."
"Oh dear," cried the woman. The tiny voices became shrill wails. The reindeer outside the house looked worried and confused. "This is terrible." said the deer in a sad voice. "There's never been a fog like this at the North Pole. Up here it's too cold for moisture in the air to make a fog."
"It must have been that terrible storm that brought me here." said Freddy, blinking again. "Where I come from the air is always moist and warm. The fog must be from that storm."
"It's a terrible storm, then." said the deer. "It will ruin Christmas for the whole world. All year long the elves have been working to make the toys and now we can't deliver them."
Suddenly Santa's voice boomed out into the night. "What's that light?" All of the reindeer turned to look at Freddy and the deer and began laughing at them.
"What's that on your nose, Rudolph?" cried several reindeer at once. Some other reindeer began singing "Rudolph's nose is so red that it glows!"
Santa Claus shouted again, "Quiet! What is that light?" The night air became quiet.
"It's that doofuss Rudolph again." jeered one reindeer, "now he's got a light on his nose. Where he got it, nobody knows." The other reindeer started laughing again.
Santa strode over to Rudolph and looked closely at his snout. Freddy blinked and the light made Santa's eyes gleam in the darkness only inches away from Freddy. Santa's large white beard seemed to blot out the rest of the world. There was just the glimmering eyes of Santa, two red cheeks, and a nose sticking out over a bushy white mustache. Santa's voice was much softer now, "Well, what have we here?"
Rudolph answered without moving a muscle. "It's a firefly I found in the evergreens."
"A firefly?" exclaimed Santa. "At the North Pole?"
"I think he's lost." answered Rudolph softly.
"Well then, we're saved!" shouted Santa as he raised his arms high.
At first, Freddy thought Santa was going to swat him, but instead Santa patted Rudolph on the head and shouted to all the other reindeer. "Rudolph can lead the sleigh and everyone will follow the light on his nose. That way everyone can be sure they are pulling in the same direction. Let's go!" There was a moment of silence, then all of the reindeer began cheering.
The elves came running to harness the other reindeer behind Rudolph as Santa called out their names. They were famous names, legends of the North Pole, all lining up behind Rudolph. It all happened so quickly that Rudolph barely noticed the elves putting the harness on him that attached all the reindeer to Santa's sleigh.
Freddy turned to look up the long snout of Rudolph and saw two crossed eyes trying to look at him. "Hey, you'll be famous!" said Freddy, "and this means I can go home!!" Rudolph's eyes straightened and he looked all around him at the other reindeer cheering for him. He raised his head high and Freddy blinked his light.
The reindeer behind him straightened out until the harness grew taut. The fog was so thick Freddy could barely see the sleigh at the end of the team of reindeer, but he felt Rudolph begin to trot and heard Santa call out into the night: "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
The End
Offensive Jokes
Q: What's black and white and red all over, and can't turn around in a doorway? A: A nun with a javelin through her head.
Many principles are violated in this example, including the sanctity of human life, and the special sanctity of people devoted to holy and abstinent lives, and the sanctity of women. These are violations similar to those in any number of jokes involving injury or death, whether of priestly, feminine, or human creatures, or otherwise. However, some additional components make this particular example somewhat different from others.
First, a person with a javelin through their head would hardly be concerned about their inability to turn around in doorways. The moral principle here is that people should be concerned with things that are important, and not bother about irrelevancies. A person with such an injury certainly has more important things on her mind than this particular inability. Using the inability to turn around in a doorway as the essential defining feature of a nun with a javelin through her head violates this principle of irrelevancies. Further, the thought of further injuries due to the attempt to turn around in a doorway violates further principles regarding the prevention of self-injury.
Consider why this joke might or might not be funny. People who find it offensive are, by this theory of humor, unable to give the described situation a ``normal'' interpretation, either because the joke is told badly or because of a strong emotional commitment to the principles violated. People that find the joke funny are, by the theory, not so attached. Furthermore, since the principles violated would seem to be universal moral principles that everyone would have at least some attachment to, the theory also predicts that no-one could fail to see the point, because everyone would recognise a violation of an important moral principle: one may only think this joke is either offensive or funny.
Joke analysis according to the present theory can be continued ad libitum. I know of no examples which cannot be analysed plausibly using the present theory. Instead of prolonging the discussion of jokes, then, we will move on to some other classes of humor-related phenomena.
Elephant jokes
Why don't (some) grownups laugh at elephant jokes? Because they don't see the point -- the principles being violated are not matters that they care about or have emotional commitments to. Consider whether you laugh at these:
Q: How do you know that an elephant has been in the refrigerator? A: There are footprints in the butter dish.
Q: How do you know that two elephants have been in the refrigerator? A: There are two sets of footprints in the butter dish.
Q: How do you know that a herd of elephants has been in the refrigerator? A: There is a Volkswagen parked in front of your house and there are lots of footprints in the butter dish.
This relentless, repetitive series of jokes are often not funny for many adults, but for many ten-year-olds and for some adults, elephant jokes are quite hilarious. Children are highly involved in actively constructing their view of the structure of the world. Just as everyone cares about, is emotionally attached to, whatever they are actively involved in doing, children have emotional commitments to the structure of the world. In the ten-year-old's world, it is a wonderful and essential feature of elephants that they are gigantic in size. Further, it is also a widespread attitude that one isn't supposed to dirty one's food; kids, especially, are actively being socialized into keeping food in the right place (on the plate or in the mouth) and their (often dirty) shoes off of things that need more considerate treatment. So there are a great many principles which children are emotionally attached to, which are violated in these particular elephant jokes: giant elephants are somehow small enough to climb around on a stick of butter, and at the same time, food is trampled on. These violations show how kids can find these jokes funny. At the same time, they are not so attached to the principle that they would be offended by breaking it: Few children have so great a personal investment in elephants being huge that they would be offended or personally threatened if elephants were tiny. Nor is the idea of someone else hypothetically stepping in some food a violation that cuts very close. Further, the cuteness of the answer, the difficulty of seeing anything wrong built into the question itself, and the banality of the question/answer format all help to make it so that the situation is clothed in normality. Finally, the surprise of the answer creates the simultaneous juxtaposition of the two affects in the minds of the perceivers.
For adults, on the other hand, the size of an elephant is more or less an accidental fact that might conceivably be otherwise, without changing the essence of elephantness. Further, the prohibition, ``Keep your dirty feet off the clean things in the house'' doesn't have the emotional impact with adults as with children. In any case, adults do have a model of reality with decades of sedimentary accumulation in which they may have lost their emotional involvement in such things as the size of elephants, or even the idea of stepping on a stick of butter - which might remain inconvenient, but is no longer grounds for teasing or punishment. At least for those adults that are not amused by these elephant jokes, the theory suggests that these violations no longer have sufficient affective impact.
